Laser focus

A lot of what keeps me from being successful as a writer are all the fantastic ideas I get. Each one seems to be better than the next, and none of them are related to each other.

If anyone ever stole my wallet, not only would that person be disappointed by the lack of money inside, but he or she would surely think I was crazy.

In my billfold, I have little pieces of paper with oddly coded phrases written on them. Each is meant to represent a certain artistic epiphany of mine. A thief with an intuitive gift or a disciplined approach to writing could easily lift a career off of me.

You see, after years of working overnights in a donut shop, I've grown tired of forgetting all of my brilliance when I wake up in the morning. My solution: write my little golden nuggets down. And I figured since I've always got my wallet with me, I can just stick them in there and they won't get washed in my shorts. That's right, I even have great ideas for my ideas.

So what's the problem? Why no riches, yet? It turns out my notes are no good. When I do remember the idea the words are supposed to represent, I can never figure out what I need to do next.

Here are some examples of things I've written down and placed next to my 2008 zoo pass:

The Reason for Showers. I'm pretty sure this was an idea for a sitcom about a young college guy and his search for love. Either that or I just made that up now.

Kissy, Kissy; Love letters. This is a website idea. I'd write fake love letters between celebrities and/or politicians. The best letters would come from people that cheat on their spouses. For example, love letters between Tiger Woods and his mistresses. This needs to be further developed.

National Diary. If I recall correctly, America, as a person, would write in her diary about all the things going on -- in her mind? -- in politics or pop culture. I imagine America to have a teenage girl's voice.

Poor Jesus. ???. I think it was about Jesus in today's world having a hard time finding people to follow him.

There's an Old Man Dying in Pueblo, Colorado. I think it's a book idea about an old man who has worked in a donut shop his whole life. It seems less exciting to think about now.

Making a Sketch Comedy Show. It's a sketch comedy about making a sketch comedy. Could be something, right?

"I'd like to believe God could forgive me for killing him." I thought this would be a good line for one of my characters someday.

Curious Humans. Website or TV show idea. It seemed great and entirely original until I realized I was thinking about old episodes of Third Rock from the Sun.

Dear lord, if I ever get robbed please let it be by a young, ambitious Hollywood director. I wonder if I can sell ideas online?